This blog started out as a way to hopefully use my expertise and personal experiences to help others get through a difficult period in their life with grace and perspective. As I think about how I can try to be of service in this world, I’ve continued to grow on my own personal path. I'm moving forward into my own new story and overcoming obstacles thrown in my way (or trying). I’ve realized that conquering fear and being resilient is the key to so much of this process. There are the practical fears about how divorce will impact your day to day life, and the bigger, darker fears, about how to stand on your own feet at times when people are deliberately trying to knock you down or there are roadblocks in your way. During these times I try to remember that the other side of fear is FAITH! In this week where we have honored Martin Luther King, Jr., his definition of faith is appropriate: “Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”
When facing the difficult life transition of divorce, there will be days that are hard and you are afraid. Conquer your fear with faith! Take one small step onto the stairs, with faith that the steps will reveal themselves to you. If you combine faith with resiliency, you are unstoppable. Faith gives you the courage to be resilient. With faith you can be grateful for the hurtful experiences that have brought you to this place. You will have the resiliency to stand up and show those who are trying to hold you down that you will overcome-- and be stronger because of the ways they may have tried to hurt you. This belief in yourself is critical if you are trying to have a healthy divorce and your spouse is stuck in old divorce paradigms, where there must be a “good-guy” and a “bad-guy.” If you are in this all too common situation, you may be left with no choice but to show your resiliency and faith by not letting their efforts to be a toxic force in your life disrupt your personal transition into a peaceful, happy, new story. You may have to be okay with the idea that, ultimately, you can only insure that YOU will be healthy and whole when your divorce is final. Your ex-spouse may choose another path.